Oh boy, this is going to be a hard one….

There is a thought in my brain that eats my soul like a worm eating an apple. The thought of disappearing… I pull that trick once when I enlisted in the military and it went perfect, well, only for 12 months, then I turn back to place that I belong to. This time I have to do it right and permanent but here is the thing, I put down my roots deep into the soil of Turkey. I belong here yet this relationship with that country and its people eating me, like a worm eating an apple.

Whatever I felt, owned and lived was on this soil, every single thought that I had bloomed on this soil, my family, my friends, everyone that means something to me lives/lived here. Same goes for a calf in a slaughterhouse. This country AND ITS PEOPLE eating you alive and feeds on your soul. I can’t live like this for a long time if I know myself right and that brings me to my second half, I have to go. The goverment wants to abolish the order of law, the citizens of its hardly surviving and the worst part they don’t even deserve that much. As I scribbled before the goverment just a reflection of its people. A reflection of a humongous leech is upon the country and I am just under it waiting to be sucked dry. Or… I can just change sides and move to a country that I feel closer to me. I can do my masters, I can be a part of something bigger than myself. I can just, disappear.

What about my loved ones then? Are the baits of this trap is effective enough to keep me in it? As you can guess the answer is a NO! I am not going to sacrifice myself willingly. I owe myself that much. Am I liable of a burden of dissolution just because I got nourished into it? Should I held accountable for treason after not jumping into a river of blood like rest of the herd? NO! I will try to save the people that I care about and if they want to die in a unwinnable battle against the hordes of the moral decadence they are free to do so.

I did my part as I stated on my previous cries. Some fights are not worth fighting and some lost from the start. I wish everyone good luck in near future, we are in a sinking ship and there isn’t enough lifeboat to save us all.

I don’t owe anything to this country. Do what the hell ever you want…